Thank you for that. It will also look at methods used to identify possible domestic violence victims. far as I am aware no action has been taken. And social workers need to understand the impact of domestic violence on the mother’s mental health and her parenting skills. The law cps they don’t give to flying elephants butts about you. Legal advice and the courts are making it difficult for people to act on child court arrangements in the event the abuser gains access, which prolongs heartache and misery for all those involved. I agree that we probably all need more understanding and awareness. Every victim of domestic abuse wants it to stop. The dangers of relying on a self selecting group are apparent… It sounds as though you are in a better place now. But I didn’t want them to grow up without both of us. They are refusing to separate, stating they havent taken drugs since this all happened. If he can be shown to be doing everything he can to control himself and understand why he cannot use violence against others, you maybe able to keep your family together – but I guess the real question here, is why do you want to? I apologise for asking for advice on that point, I do fully understand that you can’t. They cannot stop your wife returning home and taking the child home too unless they have a care-order already issued as far as I am aware. If I was on drugs or if I was an alcoholic with responsibilities or if you were, even we might strike out at those we love . “What people told us is they want to seek help for their children, but their perception is that all there is out there is social services,” says Howarth. I am the lady you spoke to in xxxxxx about domestic violence, The social worker told me no one would take my son. It can also make ‘occupation orders’ which can force an abuser to leave the family home. So what can a victim do? This is all too late for me to know, as my baby is now under his care and I have independent evidence to prove his abuse. Would you care to provide some evidence for that assertion? What do the children want? Anyone got any advise please, social, guardian and all keep saying were fighting and child is suffering, i can’t understand it’s obvious domestic abuse and he gained custody but i think they dont want to admit their mistake of giving child to abuser so they can keep blaming it on us, a police officer stated it is domestic abuse and the social need to start investigating him but the social removed what the police said from the minutes and reports, i do have a witness that heard what he said, so they are still saying were fighting and are asking the court for an ico my barrister said i shouldn’t worry about what they say as it may mean that were fighting because it’s all hearsay and i just need to show that i have moved on in my life (i smashed his car 5 years ago plus had a friend that threatened my child) and barrister said they are stuck in a time wharp and if they ask for a ico i can have a solicitor that will help me inbetween court hearings she said they just going to show i have moved on and changed and show him up for what he is, i’m in court tom and can’t sleep with worry, theres evidence of him manipulating coaching and alienating he had stopped interfered limited my contact and has failed to attend 2 court hearings. To clarify what I mean by do things yourself without waiting is, seeking the support yourself ASAP preferably within days. violence on children Responding to domestic violence Promising practices Resources, training, and tools. It is not necessarily the sign that a lawyer is a pathetic lackey of a LA if he/she advises either. She may have an entirely different perspective/story. Then they will go through all the Public records on your family and gather evidence to get a care-order in the Family Court. Domestic violence can happen against anyone, and anybody can be an abuser. They did not have many choices. ■ The community must take an active role in working towards the implementation of policies and programs that will be available to work with victims of domestic violence and the children who are exposed. break up the marriage permanently. I never had been around any kinda of family violence . He will be missing his son and his wife/partner but even if he is completely innocent and it is just a clash of personalities tell him to keep it softly-softly for two or three months .The SW’s aren’t interested in him or Mum, they are solely interested in the boy and if he is of a certain age they may well do a ‘risk assessment’ and decide to rescue him and take him away. I really wish I could say more because what the local authority did to me was abusive and inhumane but due to lack of transparency in the family court can’t. I am sorry to hear that the police didn’t take this seriously – I think there is a big problem in that women just aren’t seen as the perpetrators of violence, although I know some are. I think the law is protecting him… I now have to get a prosecutor involved…they wouldn’t do anything to protect my son when I took my son at 3:00 in the morning to the police station and when they came they never asked my teenager anything but he was protecting be from verbal abuse as always….I can’t get a break… how can I be a great parent like this?…..Ihave just myself and my two children to protect… My situation is emotional and physical in the past…I have never been a cheater… The one thing I am sure of is that …. And to help with what really happened . With violence and bashing, at the first punch, TURN THE OTHER CHEEK! I sent her a story but she never acknowledged it even. Ten times out of ten ,they will realise they are wrong and back down. His pattern of behavior is to leave you in a desperate state, emotionally, financially and sometimes physically. You need an experienced advocate. I feel once again or further isolated not able to express my concerns to Social Care or Health Visitors or the police, and I’m also afraid if they suddenly send someone to make assessment, my ex know it’s me and take his manipulation and lies to his family/friends and the court even further in retribution. Therefore, what we will do in this post is discuss: ‘Abuse’ is  a wide term that can cover a variety of behaviour; some will be considered more serious than others but ALL have the potential to cause harm. They seem okay to me but only when carried out absolutely in accordance with the rules laid down . Co-operating with them and accepting the reasons for their concern is the best way to go about it. Despite this sentiment from the then President of the Family Division “Gone, I think, are the days when a man could be violent to the mother of his children and yet could still be considered a good father. Can both of these things be true? Please see this article, also on Pink Tape, which talks about domestic violence in family cases. Running me down. I do now understand why a child seeing violence is a child protection matter, but I do not agree with children being removed because the victim takes the positive step of reporting to the police. Association of Directors of Children’s Services. There are known cases of students on the 3 year social work degree qualifying … How best can children be protected in households where domestic abuse is rife? 3.Try and record incidents and if possible get a CCTV camera(hidden). We have reached a point where otherwise reasonable people have to take sides in a tribal way. Things like: Whilst the vast majority of social workers follow the rules and are decent sensible people they are human beings and as such, just like any other group of people, some may make mistakes and some may be arses. It’s impossible to say what the chances are of your children being returned without knowing a lot more about your case. Why were you Ignored? Inspectors found that staff, including those in leadership roles, had subjected children detained at the centre to racist comments, degrading and humiliating treatment, and had in some instances been under the influence of illegal drugs whilst on duty. The care population is known about and you should be able to find stats on that. Yes, these cases are not common and i am sure there are far more victims of violence than there are people prepared to lie about it. I believe the major problem is that woman will in the future take a beating from their partners as they know if they report this along follow social services to remove their children..and this will result in more deaths . I can’t recall the exact thread, but another reader commented that some men are unhappy at how their partners are caring for the children, perhaps leaving them alone or treating them as latch-key children ( out at work, at Bingo etc.) I left my kids dad due to emotional phycological. What is it? ... position would do best to approach Children’s Services and mental health support via the support of an independent domestic violence advocate, who will help the Social Worker to understand what is happening and what will help. I don’t think people who have problems with violence just overnight become calm and happy people. It has brought about a change and when we go for the counselling this should show how serious he has become in improving . If you can show you are doing all you can to keep your child safe, then hopefully it is very unlikely your child will be removed. Ian But, for whatever reason, if the violence/abuse continues, the LA will have to act to protect the children. However, to say its a fact that a victim of abuse will be deliberately punished by the system by having her (and it is almost always ‘her’) children taken away is wrong. I take a huge amount of offence ,I started to read this article with a great amount of interest UNTIL I GOT TO THE INFURIATING PHRASE ‘HER (AND IT IS ALMOST ALWAYS HER) HOW DARE YOU I AM A 6’ 2″ 190 KG MAN and I am trappes in an abusive l, narcissistic relationship, i stay for my 2 kids (I did have a stepson who obliged like my own, until his mum couldn’t accept his ADHD and rather than help him, she shipped him offmto a father that phoned him twice in four years, that was allegedly abusive towards her, sold his sons toys and took a belt to him) I strongly suggest you do some research before writing an article get in touch with ‘the mankind initiative’, ‘families need fathers’, ‘family matters’ and learn how over 43% of victims of domestic violence (which incidentally isn’t always physical) are MEN!!!! It is true what you say both about violence and coercive ,controlling and abusive behaviour in general but how the hell can victims male or female fight against it? Certainly don’t agree to any assessment by someone who does not have a current practice, and who works exclusively for the LA. There is criticism from a variety of sources including Women’s Aid about how useful the family courts are in dealing with violent parents. It is likely the court will want you to get some counselling/therapy/support and I think you should agree to this – as you have said you would. Well before long-standing abuse erupts into tragedy, she says, social services should not be “starting from a position of telling women ‘If you don’t do what I tell you we’ll take your children off you’ but ‘What do you need to help you and your children become safer?’ And that means safety planning done properly, not just handing over a list of things to take with you when you leave.”. They have a forum where you can discuss your individual case with other Mums and a free helpline. If any of them attack you and hit you, don’t hit back even if you are bigger .Don’t lay the law down,be humble and you will probably find they won’t get anything out of doing it again.If you see any of them acting criminally e.g. I think it is really, really important that you get a lawyer that you can talk to. This article discusses some general things for parents to be mindful of when working with child protective services (CPS) and social workers to regain custody of their children. That’s the moment when schools start to focus on them. They are unable to put a stop to their violent and destructive behaviour indeed they do not even acknowledge they are doing wrong. I am sorry to hear this. Social workers also work directly with the children to strengthen the mother-child relationship, as it can be badly affected by domestic abuse – especially if the victim separates from a violent partner. My daughter is a well adjusted and lovely 2 year old and I do everything to ensure she’s well taken care of and happy. I would like to ask you what you intend to do about my case as it is I gave up my job to be a stay at home mom and she also still breast feeds. I haven’t said removal of children is a myth. Why not join our social care community? Thanks for your comment Helen. But DCF may try to take your child if you do not figure out a way to protect your child from the domestic violence. If you want to know how your son is doing in school then ask your Attorney to get a Court Order from the Judge to talk to your Child’s teacher every day so that you never ever have to talk to him ever again forever! Were your family poor or well off middle class professionals ? Is it when he has her up against the wall, kicking her on the floor or strangling her? Social services would have taken any other child abused in this way into care, but because it was her brother, this abuse did not count, and because he was not being abused he could not be taken into care. 8. If you want to withdraw your statement or refuse to make one in the first place it is sending a very worrying message about your insight into the problem and your willingness to protect your children. Thank you kindly for your response. I was supported with councel housing, GP and numerous services. As i said before get an independent advocate. Confession,forgiveness and grace,magnanimity is the KEY to reform and happy families when one member goes astray. I have a right not to be strangled, kicked, punched, sexually abused, told I am mental, told that I will never see my children again( though he has in part accomplished this with the help of your department)and told how to behave in my own home. There may of course be bumps in the road but I hope that his engagement with therapy will be seen as a really positive sign, so too your willingness to end the relationship if he does not make and sustain changes. As I understand it, if you are in a relationship with an abusive person, the evidence is very clear that this is highly like to lead to your child suffering significant harm – either from getting caught up in violence, or from seeing or hearing the abuse or living with its aftermath. It would be much appreciated. I do have a child who is six year old and her name is Skye and I think it’s best for her to move in with me because I could make a great parent for her and I would like to be her biological Dad to her and I would like to change Skye’s middle name as Isabelle and her last name as Smith and I need to get her ID card and a passport and a lot of cards like cinema and vouchers and she wil be getting a lot of proper help for her support from me and the Adka Independence Group and from the Innovations Day Centrer Group. They refused to take a history. I acted as soon as I could. Its been 2 years since I left him. She is my rock. Magdalena Dircio, legal advocate with Laura’s House, a domestic violence advocacy organization and shelter in California, sheds some light on the topic.“If you need to flee your [abusive] situation and enter a shelter, it is important to know that if there are no custody orders, you can take the children with you and there should not be legal consequences," Dircio says. It makes patterns of repeated or continuous coercive or controlling behaviour a criminal offence. If there are care proceedings you will get non means and non merits tested legal aid and you will have legal backing to make your case. Yet it will be better for the child if he or she can be given a life together with both natural parents. Only a court can authorise removal of your children without your consent. Dear Mrs xxxxx Neither should you judge them and give up on them. I am worried that i won’t get the verdict i am hoping for and that my son will have to be returned to mums care. (Re) Considering risk assessment and safety planning in child protection work with domestic violence cases, Children and Youth Services Review, 47, 92–101; Katz, E (2015) Recovery-promoters: … Area Manager How to have your husband back home with your kids again, I’m a lady with 2 kids i am from Houston Texas, my husband leave me and his 2 kids for about 10 months i go through a lot of pain i do all i could to make him returned to me and to his kids but nothing works out. As for getting women to understand they are victims , the best way I have found is that they speak to someone else who has already identified herself as one. Hope this helps . I would also recommend peer support through groups such as the freedom programme. According to the domestic violence victim assistance agency Safe Horizon, one in every four women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime. I admit my comment contained some criticism of LA lawyers and their motives which are to achieve their employer’s policy imperatives. The lovely, new houses were spacious with all mod-cons ( bathroom, indoor-toilet) and the children did not have to share bedrooms with the parents. My daughter had two children removed from her due to domestic violence from both parties. My son deserves some kind of justice and closure. On January 8th 2018, new evidence requirements to show that there was domestic violence in a relationship came into force. “What children and young people told us is that they don’t want generic advice, they want people who know and understand about domestic abuse,” she says. Confused. Telling me I am ugly. She is a human being, you all are and it is wrong to break the union asunder. I may be wrong but if you google the Family Rights Group they will advise you fully. A big problem is the child-protection system itself; correct practice guidelines are seldom followed by professionals. I hope it’s OK to share a couple of resources as well as the freedom programme? If not already married,you should arrange a wedding a.s.a.p. violence is a serious failure of parenting and the violent parent must show that they are going to change. If it ever did to to court, the Judge would want to hear what you had to say and would also hear evidence from at least a social worker and your child’s guardian. So they all dont tell the truth and make things sound the way they want. This happens a lot. How did they die? You see, I live in a system massively biased against men and our biggest fear is losing proper contact with our children. They are masters of disguise. This social worker couldnt even get facts right follow procedure and made thedecision to send my son to live with someone who is an abuser. we will have to impose sentences taking into account facts alone and if , as is quite normal, a Judge takes antecedents into account we must ensure investigations are carried out with impartiality. And in some cases where a man does end up hitting the child (god forbid this will happen to you) the state can charge you with abuse as well for not taking legal action against your partner. I think people ought to be given a chance to show that they can change. ( In the absence of conflict, which is shown to be bad for children) where’s the evidence that *actual* separation is not worse than *potential* witnessing abuse, defined in very broad terms that include lying, withholding information? 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